See ehn, nobody warned me that abroad cold has bad mind.

The day I landed, everywhere was calm, clean, quiet, you know that abroad quiet that can make you hear your own heartbeat. I wore my small jacket that I bought for ₦7,500 from Yaba thinking I was ready. My sister, I was not ready.

The next morning, I had a job interview. I told myself, “Temi, today you must shine.” I wore my fine black coat, boots wey be like astronaut shoe, and gloves that felt like pure stress.

As I stepped outside, breeze just slapped me.

Not normal breeze o this one had ancestral anger. My eyes began to water, my nose started running like it owed somebody money, and my ears? They were crying for their mother.

But I still trusted God and moved.

I reached the bus stop, pressed the button for the bus to stop in front of me like I’ve been seeing in movies. Tell me why the bus flew past me like I was air? I just stood there, looking like rejected plantain.

The cold was increasing. I brought out my phone to check Google Maps — the thing froze. Literally. My phone died of cold. Even me sef I almost died of cold.

At this point I was speaking in tongues mixed with Yoruba:

“Father Lord, kí ni mo ṣe bayi?!”

“Breeze, why??”

“Jésù gbami!”

Finally, another bus came. I entered with speed, only for everyone to start staring at me. Why? Because unknown to me… my nose had been running silently and a small river had formed under it. Abroad disgrace is quiet but deep.

I cleaned my face, kept my dignity inside my coat pocket and pretended like nothing happened.

Long story short, I got to the interview looking like I had fought winter itself but I still smiled.

The manager asked what happened.

I said, “Honestly sir… I’m still adjusting to your weather. But I promise you, if I can survive this morning, I can survive any job.”

He started laughing. Guess what?

They hired me.

Because according to him, “anyone who can survive Canadian wind is a fighter.”

Abroad gist no be anybody’s mate.