CHAPTER FOUR

The moment the door clicked behind her, the noise of the classroom felt distant but not gone. The laughter, the whispers, Iris’s voice they were still inside her head, echoing over and over, sharper than ever.

Amara pressed her back against the cool wall of the corridor. Her knees trembled. Her hands shook. Her heart thudded loudly, as if the sound itself could betray her. She wanted to disappear. She wanted to curl into herself until no one could see her, until the world stopped noticing that she existed.

A small sob escaped her chest before she could stop it. She quickly wiped her eyes, but the heat in her face refused to fade. Her stomach churned, twisting painfully. Every step she took felt heavy, as if she were carrying the weight of all the eyes that had seen her fail.

And the worst part?

It hadn’t just happened today.

Somehow… Iris had already known.

The “performance” she mocked the one Amara wished she could erase had spread before Amara even stepped fully into this new environment. A moment she thought was buried had found its way into whispers, into conversations, into the hands of someone like Iris.

Maybe someone had shared it.

Maybe someone had laughed about it.

Maybe it had been nothing to them… but everything to her.

Amara swallowed hard, the thought tightening painfully in her chest. There was no escape, was there? Even when she tried to start over, her past followed her like a shadow she couldn’t outrun.

She thought about the other students, how they had watched, how no one had stopped Iris. Not even a single person had spoken up for her. That thought hurt more than the laughter itself.

She wandered down the corridor aimlessly, her bag slung loosely over one shoulder. Every door she passed the classrooms, lecture halls, even empty offices felt like something she didn’t belong in. Like spaces meant for people who were confident… people who knew how to exist without fear.

Her mind replayed everything.

"What if I had stayed home"?

"What if I had said something"?

"What if they hate me now"?

Each question wrapped tighter around her, pulling her deeper into herself.

As she turned a corner, she slowed.

Ahead of her, three girls walked together, their laughter light and effortless.

Danielle walked at the center, composed and graceful. Zara spoke animatedly beside her, her confidence impossible to ignore, while Teni laughed softly, nudging them playfully as they moved.

People noticed them.

Of course they did.

They were the kind of girls everyone seemed to know the ones who didn’t try too hard, yet somehow stood at the center of everything. 

Their confidence wasn’t loud, but it was undeniable. It showed in the way they spoke, the way they walked, the way they carried themselves like they belonged anywhere they stepped into.

Amara stopped without realizing it.

She watched them.

A small part of her leaned toward them without moving drawn in by something she didn’t have the words to explain.

She wanted that.

Not the attention, not the spotlight but the ease. The freedom. The ability to exist without overthinking every step, every word, every breath.

She imagined, just for a second, what it would feel like to walk beside them… to laugh without fear, to speak without her voice shaking, to be seen without wanting to disappear.

And then...…

“Hey… are you okay?”

The voice was gentle.

Amara blinked, startled.

Teni had paused, her brows slightly furrowed with concern. 

Danielle and Zara slowed beside her, their conversation fading as they glanced in Amara’s direction.

For a moment, everything froze.

This was it.

A chance.

Amara’s heart began to race again, louder than before. Her mind went blank, every possible response slipping away before she could hold onto it.

Her lips parted slightly… but no words came out.

She felt their eyes on her.

Waiting.

Her fingers tightened around her bag. The familiar fear crept in, wrapping around her throat, locking her voice away.

“I...” she started, barely above a whisper.

But the word died almost immediately.

The silence stretched.

Awkward.

Heavy.

Amara quickly looked down, shaking her head faintly, as if that could replace actual words.

“I’m fine,” she managed at last, her voice so soft it almost disappeared.

Teni held her gaze for a second longer, as if unsure whether to believe her. Then she gave a small nod.

“Okay…”

And just like that, the moment passed.

Zara shrugged lightly, already turning back to whatever she had been saying, and Danielle simply glanced once more before they continued walking.

Their laughter returned as they moved away.

Like nothing had happened.

Amara stood there, rooted to the spot.

Her chest tightened again but this time, it wasn’t from humiliation.

It was something else.

Something heavier.

Regret.

She had wanted that moment.

And when it came… she couldn’t take it.

Amara looked away quickly, as if even thinking about it too much would make it worse. Her fingers tightened around the strap of her bag.

She felt smaller again.

Smaller than she already was.

She continued walking, her steps slower now, her thoughts heavier. 

The image of those girls stayed in her mind not just as something distant, but as something she had almost touched… and lost.

When she finally reached the courtyard, she sank onto a bench, her shoulders slumped.

The sun was warm. The breeze was soft.

But she couldn’t feel any of it.

Tears slipped down her face again, silent this time not from the sting of Iris’s words, but from something deeper.

"Exhaustion".

It was exhausting to feel like this all the time. To question herself. To shrink. To exist in a world that felt too big for someone like her.

Amara didn’t know how long she stayed there. 

Time didn’t matter when every second felt the same.

All she knew was this

The world moved easily for some people.

And painfully for others.

And she was still trying to figure out why she couldn’t move at all.