At exactly 12:00 a.m., Sam cleared his throat like a village town crier. 

Fireworks were booming, neighbors were shouting “Happy New Year!”, and he lifted his hand and declared, “This year, I’m a changed man. No laziness. No nonsense. Gym, discipline, focus!” 

 This was destiny. This was growth.

By 12:05 a.m., aunty brought out leftover jollof rice. Sam said, “No, I’m on a new path.” By 12:08 a.m., he said, “Let me just taste small.” later, he was sitting on a plastic chair, plate balanced on his lap, defending himself: “Abeg, it’s still last year’s food.” 

His exercise plan was rescheduled to “after New Year enjoyment.”

By morning, Sam woke up around 10:43 a.m., fan blowing hot air, phone dead, stomach full. His resolution notebook was nowhere to be found. He stretched, checked WhatsApp, and said calmly, “New year is long. We have time.” 

And just like that, January 1st ended, Nigeria 1, Resolution 0. 🇳🇬😌