Ah, Lagos. The city that never sleeps—mainly because the traffic won’t let it. But if you ever find yourself in Nigeria’s commercial capital and decide to experience the soul of the city, don’t bother with Uber or BRT. No, no, no. True warriors take the danfo.
But beware: danfo buses are not for the faint of heart. They are yellow, rugged, and often held together by hope, spit, and spare parts from three different vehicles. Here's your ultimate guide to surviving a ride on a Lagos danfo—and maybe even enjoying it.
1. The Olympics Start at the Bus Stop
Think you’ll just stroll onto a danfo? Wrong. Getting on one is a competitive sport. You’ll need speed, agility, and the shamelessness of a hungry lion. Aunties with shopping bags? They'll body-slam you. That uncle in a suit? He’ll slide through the window like a trained ninja.
Tip: Stretch before you leave home.
2. Bring Exact Change. Or Become a Philosopher
The conductor (a.k.a the human vuvuzela) will never have change. Never. You could give him N500 for a N200 fare, and he’ll look at you like you owe him. If you ask for your balance, he’ll either gaslight you or delay it until you forget.
Solution: Come with exact change or prepare for a full-blown existential crisis.
3. Hold Something. Anything. Or Meet Gravity
A danfo is not just a bus—it’s a rollercoaster with spiritual assignments. When the driver swerves, you’ll either find Jesus or the floor. There’s no in-between.
Pro tip: That rusty rail above your head? Cling to it like your GPA depends on it.
4. Earplugs Optional, But Recommended
Your ears will be assaulted by:
The conductor yelling “Ojuelegba, Yaba, Yaba, Yaba!” on loop.
A preacher shouting about salvation between bus stops.
A hawker advertising herbal cures for “toilet infection and weak manhood.”
If you survive all that and still hear the voice of reason, congratulations—you are now a Lagosian.
5. Body Odor is Part of the Package
Danfo buses don’t discriminate. You’ll sit beside bankers, mechanics, and someone who hasn’t discovered deodorant yet. By the end of the trip, you’ll know what everyone had for breakfast, lunch, and probably what they’re sweating out.
Advanced tip: Deep breathing is not your friend here. Shallow inhale. Eyes forward.
6. Master the Danfo Language
To survive, you must speak the language:
“Owa o!” – Shouted urgently when you want to drop.
“E ba mi gbe change mi o!” – Translates to: “My life savings are in that N100.”
“Conductor, e no balance!” – A classic chorus with no happy ending.
7. Accept Your Fate
Eventually, you'll reach your destination. You’ll stumble out, slightly bruised, spiritually shaken, and oddly proud. You made it. You faced the chaos, danced with danger, and still have your phone. You’re now a Lagos certified street scholar.
Final Words
Lagos danfo isn’t just transportation. It’s a test of strength, patience, and leg muscle control. Survive it, and you’ll have a story that starts with, “You won’t believe what happened on my danfo today…”
Welcome to Lagos.
