I learned something about myself today, and I don’t know whether to be angry at me or at you.

I saw you….just a post, nothing dramatic but you felt vulnerable in that moment. And something in me softened. Not romantically. Not foolishly. Just… humanly. I realized that no matter how angry I’ve been, no matter how much damage you caused, there is a part of me that still cares about you.

And that realization hit me harder than I expected. Because I hate that you made me like this. I hate that you were careless with something I treated gently.I hate that you were immature when I needed emotional safety. I hate that you disrespected me in so much ways and I hate that after everything yet you still matter to me.

I hate you because I don’t hate you. That contradiction feels cruel. But it’s honest. Let me be clear though: I do not want you back. Not in love, not in romance, not in proximity. That door is closed. Locked. Nailed shut. I know what choosing you costs me, and I refuse to pay that price again.

But caring doesn’t always disappear just because we walk away. And that’s the part nobody prepares you for. It’s okay to love and walk away.

It’s okay to love from a distance. It’s okay to not be okay.

But it is not okay to keep choosing what breaks you.

It is not okay to stay in spaces that feel toxic, manipulative, uncomfortable, or constantly sad, whether that space is a relationship, a home, or a version of yourself you’ve outgrown.

I used to think loving someone meant endurance. That if love was real, it had to stay, even when it hurt. Now I know better. You don’t always stop loving, but you do stop choosing them. 

Love can exist without permission. Access is what you revoke.

And that’s the lesson I’m learning…..slowly, painfully, honestly. I can acknowledge what we were without returning to what destroyed me. I can care without contact. I can remember without reopening wounds. I can love without sacrificing my peace.

So yes, I will love you but from afar. With boundaries intact. With my peace protected. With my healing prioritized. I am growing. I am learning.

And I am choosing myself.

One day, I will love again, in a space that is safe, soft, and mutual.

Until then, I will hold my heart gently, even when it aches.

Because loving you taught me something important:

Love doesn’t mean staying.

Sometimes, love means letting go and choosing youelf anyway. ❤️‍🩹