Growing up, I wasn't even an option. 
My mother tried to abort me. 
My father left me. 
It wasn't you, it was me. 
I didn't know how to love. I wasn't loved as a child. 
You loved me, I knew this  but it scared me. 
I was scared you would leave me. 
With each passing day, my fear only grew. 
I was scared I wouldn't be an option to you some day
You scared me, your love, it terrified me. 
I resorted to violence to hasten your departure. 
Prove me right. 
You deserved better, to be someone's first choice. 
Of course I couldn't tell you this but I showed it in my own way. 
In those blows was a message. 
I didn't deserve you. 
I'm nobody's choice, doesn't mean you have to be too. 
You deserve first place. 
I hope you find it alas. ❤️

inspired by Beebah's "Always a second choice"
❤️🤭