A few years ago, I decided to cut off some of my friends. To this day, I still wonder if I overreacted, but let me explain why I made that decision.

There were three of them.

The first was a close friend. Whenever we discussed personal “women matters,” I later found out she would go home and tell her husband everything. When I confronted her, she said, “I told my husband and he said it’s okay.”

That shocked me. Why would you share our private conversations with your husband? Do I know him? I became friends with you, not your husband. From that day on, I stopped taking her calls. I didn’t want that kind of friendship.

The second situation involved another friend’s husband. Why is your husband now texting me and giving me updates about his travels? “I’m in London… mummy Oyinkan, I just arrived in America.” Did I send you there? I am your wife’s friend, not yours. I’m not comfortable with that kind of interaction, and not everyone is okay with it. I certainly wasn’t.

The third friend had been married for over 20 years, yet she constantly called me to complain: “Do you know what my husband Segun did? He didn’t pay this money.” What exactly did she expect me to do—go and beat him? You’ve endured this marriage for decades, so why are you draining me mentally with these issues? It became emotionally exhausting.

Because of these reasons, I quietly cut all of them off. Till today, they don’t even know why. They say I’m a bad person.

But honestly, I still ask myself: did I truly overreact?

Ayra Starr’s mother explains why she cut off some long-time friends.