Ever watched the video where they look at the world through the eyes of a child and it’s all rainbows and butterflies and when he gets older the sun sets and the butterflies die? Well probably not because that’s not how the video exactly is but that was the message.

I remember when I was young my eyes were so bright they were always so wide open in admiration there were a lot of things I wanted to see and do. The world seemed so big and endless then. Paradise was coming home to watching cartoons on Friday evening and mom cooking jollof rice instead of the bleak swallow. Joy was licking powdered milk even though it clogs in our mouth we would laugh it off. Joy was a backpack with our favourite character and wheels, joy was friends who meant the world to you and them.

Then we grew a bit older and our gaze faltered. Joy wavered we realized we didn’t need peers for company but for comparison. We realized that our worth was how best we performed not how cute we were. Joy then was when we got see our parents before the term ended, Joy was when we got to use the device we will eventually be made slave too. Joy was when you have someone to flaunt around instead of backpacks. Our joy were dreams that we didn’t envision.

Then we grew older and those dreams are taken away so brutally, a wake to consciousness even though we didn’t know we didn’t know we were sleeping. We realized that out there you were better by how worse your childhood was. We realized that the only way we could play was with hurt and betrayal. Our face stiffened not wanting to show emotion. Don’t fear, don’t falter be brave. Our eyes dimmed having seen too much and afraid to see more. We seek to run back but going round and round it seemed like an imagination, a phase that never existed. Joy now is is is… faith, In the past, present and future. We don’t seek joy, we now seek happiness knowing nothing lasts anymore except the cloud of judgement hanging about our eyes. Our eyes dim not wanting to see it, to ignore it. We need to escape we think knowing we are in a self inflicted cell. We seek happiness in looking away in hiding in creating a shell to protect our real self. Personality development they called it development? Our personalities have been here all along you just want a different one hoping it will earn you something different. You escape and become addicted and then you need to leave, the place that makes you feel most alive back under the storm cloud of worry and anxiety like standing on a thin thread. Your eyes dim not fearing to fall or stand but fearing to look ahead or behind. Butterflies grave for miles and miles no end in sight.