When Love Turns to Ashes: Why Couples Must Seek Help Before Marriage Turns Violence 

By R. M. Adisa PhD

Department of Mass Communication

University of Ilorin, Nigeria

@copyright unlimited

Marriage, at its best, is a union built on trust, respect, and shared dreams. But when love curdles into anger and suspicion, the home that once echoed with laughter can quickly become a chamber of pain. The tragic story of Lieutenant Samson Haruna, a young military officer from Benue State, stands as a chilling reminder that when love turns to rage, it consumes more than hearts , it destroys lives.

A Promising Union, a Tragic End

Samson Haruna had barely begun his journey into marriage. In April, he exchanged vows with his wife, Retyit Dalong, in a modest but joyful ceremony in Jos, Plateau State. Family and friends celebrated what they hoped would be a lifelong partnership filled with joy, honour, and purpose.

Barely five months later, on 22 September, tragedy struck. Reports indicate that the couple had been engaged in recurring disagreements over alleged infidelity , arguments that spiralled out of control that fateful night. Samson was said to have been asleep when his wife allegedly poured petrol over him and set him ablaze.

He sustained severe burns and was first treated at a clinic within the barracks before being transferred to the University of Uyo Teaching Hospital (UUTH). Despite valiant efforts by medical professionals, the young officer succumbed to his injuries.

His death has left the nation in mourning , and raised urgent questions about the rising tide of domestic violence and the silence that often surrounds it.

When the Home Becomes a Battlefield

It is often said that “A quarrel is like fire , if not quickly put out, it burns the house down.” In this heartbreaking case, that proverb became literal. What began as suspicion and verbal dispute ended in flames , both physical and emotional.

Across the country, too many couples stay locked in unhappy, sometimes dangerous marriages, afraid to seek help or walk away. The cultural phrase “for better, for worse” was never meant to justify abuse or death. When a home becomes a war zone, it is no longer a marriage; it is a threat to life.

As another proverb wisely reminds us, “He who runs away from a fight lives to fight another day.” There is no shame in walking away from a violent relationship. Love cannot flourish where fear resides.

Breaking the Cycle: Seeking Help, Saving Lives

Experts warn that abuse rarely begins with violence. It often starts subtly , with controlling behaviour, jealousy, or harsh words. Left unchecked, these patterns grow into something darker. That is why couples must learn to recognise early warning signs and seek professional help.

Marriage counselling is not a sign of weakness but of strength. It is a courageous act of wanting to heal rather than harm. Professional counsellors, psychologists, and even faith-based advisers can help restore communication and understanding before tempers flare beyond control.

However, when dialogue fails and danger looms, separation may be the only path to safety. As painful as it is, it is better to lose a marriage than to lose a life

Practical Steps for Those in Violent Relationships

For couples currently experiencing tension or violence, here are a few critical steps:

1. Seek professional counselling early. Don’t wait until conflict turns physical. Speak with trained counsellors or trusted spiritual advisers.

2. Break the silence. Confide in a close friend, family member, or community leader. Keeping quiet empowers the abuser.

3. Document and report abuse. Physical threats or assaults must be reported to law enforcement. No one, regardless of rank or status, is above the law.

4. Prioritise safety. If you feel unsafe, find a safe space , even temporarily , until proper help is secured.

5. Avoid rev